10 Ways to Manage Grief on Mother’s Day
There are so many special occasions marked in our calendars. From deeply personal anniversaries to religious celebrations and commercial holidays. All mean different things to different people, and we all celebrate them in our own unique way. Family traditions can mean so much and can range from simple everyday rituals to big, once a year parties. When we lose someone significant, those special occasions and traditions can be a source or comfort but often they can intensify our grief and remind us of the void that person has left behind.
Mother’s Day is no exception. You may have lost your mum or mother figure; maybe you have lost your wife and mother to your children; maybe you have lost your child or suffered a miscarriage or still birth; or maybe you have been told you cannot have children. The grief you are experiencing may feel unbearable and soul crushing and this special occasion has made it worse.
Know that grief support is available. Talk to your family and friends and let them know how you feel. Explain to them what would make the day easier for you and how you would like to spend the time. It will, of course, be difficult if you have children who still want to celebrate the day or do something to mark the occasion. If you choose to embrace the day, you may decide to do something different from what you would usually do.
Here are some of the ways you can manage your grief on Mother’s Day:
- On your own or with your family and friends, you could visit the grave of your loved one.
- You might wish to donate to a charity in the name of your loved one.
- You could plant a tree or shrub in your garden as a family activity to remember that person. You could even name a rose after them.
- Name a star.
- Create a memory box, scrapbook or collage.
- Listen to some of their favourite music.
- Sometimes a simple act, such as of lighting a candle to remember that person, can be enough.
For some people, ignoring the whole day is the best and least painful option. If that’s how you feel, take the day to look after yourself. Do something you enjoy, that relaxes you and keeps you away from all the card stands, adverts and merriment. Listen to music, watch a movie, do some gardening or a job you have been putting off, but above all, be kind to yourself. If you need grief support, do not be afraid to seek it. Douch Family Funeral Directors run free bereavement support groups for those in the Dorset community, creating a safe, welcoming safe to grieve and receive support.
If you are supporting a friend or relative who has lost their child, their mum or mother figure this Mother’s Day, there are some things you can do to provide grief support for them:
- Talk to them.
It may feel hard to do (you may feel anxious that you may say the wrong thing, or you may be feeling your own grief), but even just a simple “I am thinking of you today” can be a help. Talk about that person who has died and use their name in conversation.
If they really don’t want to talk, just let them know that you are there. Sometimes that is all they need to hear.
- Send a card.
A handwritten card is a lovely personal gesture. You could even write a favourite memory of that person inside.
- Visit that person’s grave.
You may wish to visit the deceased’s grave for your own reasons, but it is also a way of showing your friend or relative that you haven’t forgotten their loved one either, no matter how much time has passed.
If you feel you would like to talk to someone you are invited to join one of our bereavement support groups currently held across Dorset. Find out more about each group below:
- Ferndown Bereavement Group
- Wareham Bereavement Group
- Swanage Bereavement Group
- Blandford Bereavement Group
Cindy Weller is a local counsellor who offers bereavement counselling in Dorset. Cindy runs our monthly grief support groups and also offers one to one counselling if required. Cindy is a qualified accredited counsellor and a member of The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and a member of the National Counselling Society (NCS).
If you are concerned for a child who is grieving, we recommend finding out more about the Mosaic Family Support.
Mosaic provide counselling and grief support for children and young people who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling or loved one through any cause of death.
To find out more about joining our bereavement support groups and how we can help you, please contact your nearest Douch Family Funeral Directors Branch or like our Facebook page to stay up to date with our grief support groups.