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Writing A Eulogy: A Step-By-Step Guide

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a funeral speech to celebrate and remember the life of the person who has passed. It’s an important part of any funeral, an opportunity to share fond memories and pay tribute to the person, providing comfort to grieving loved ones and a way of saying goodbye.

Who reads the eulogy at a funeral?

The person who reads the eulogy at a funeral will be someone who knows the person who has passed, usually a close friend or family member, although sometimes this role is given to the minister.

If you’ve been chosen by the person’s family to give a funeral speech, it’s a sign that you were a significant part of their life and it’s an honour. You’ll be sharing details of their life and personality, what they meant to you and others, things they achieved, and it’s often the most memorable part of the service. Sometimes more than one person may be chosen to write a eulogy and read it together.

How to write a eulogy

If you’ve been asked to read at a funeral, you may find yourself wondering how to start writing a eulogy. Follow our step-by-step guide below, with answers to common questions about eulogies and tips on planning, writing and public speaking.

What to write in a eulogy

The best way to decide what to include in a eulogy is to note down your thoughts, start by thinking about what words you would use to describe the person you’ve lost.

You can make a bullet list of everything that comes to mind as you reminisce on your loved one’s life and create a mind map of different aspects including relationships, work, family, pets, travels and many other achievements. A timeline of key life events can be helpful not only when deciding what you want to talk about, but also with structuring your speech.

Speak with their family and friends as well as your own experiences, – every person is unique and will have had a different experience with this person so you may learn something new, but including their memories in what you write in a eulogy will mean a great deal.

How to structure a eulogy

Give yourself time to sort through all the information you’ve collected before figuring out how to structure a eulogy. Every eulogy is going to be unique, but a good structure to follow is a timeline of the person’s life, following a classic ‘beginning – middle – end’ structure. Start with an introduction to who you are, going into detail about the person’s life, followed by a short personal note or memory to conclude the speech. Others also choose to write a eulogy as a letter addressed to the passed.

How long should a eulogy be?

There isn’t a set time for how long a eulogy should be, however, you should keep in mind that there is usually a time limit for the overall service at the venue, allowing for the whole service to be finished by a specific time before the next service. A eulogy with a word count between 500-1200 words should take between 3-8 minutes to speak at a relaxed pace.

You can speak to the funeral director or directly to the venue for an idea of any time restrictions, but generally, you should be able to give a detailed, moving eulogy without being rushed. It’s also helpful to know the timings of other parts of the service, such as readings, hymns, or music, to ensure your eulogy fits seamlessly into the schedule. It’s important to pre-plan this with your funeral director so that the day runs smoothly.

Eulogy examples

It’s hard to give whole eulogy examples, as they’re very personal and are so unique to each person, but there are some useful phrases for starting or ending your speech; “I wanted to start by thanking you all for joining us today to celebrate the life and memory of Jane” is a great way to open, and “Thank you all, family and friends for being here as we now say goodbye to John, your presence showing how many people loved him and will miss him dearly” to close your funeral speech.

Consider what tone you think will be appropriate based on the personality of your loved one and how their family may be feeling when writing. You can make your eulogy as serious or light-hearted as you wish, and it’s not uncommon for people to sprinkle in some jokes or funnier memories throughout their speeches.

How to read a eulogy

If this is your first time giving a funeral speech, you might not know how to read a eulogy. It’s always a good idea to practice before the service, whether with a family member, friend or by yourself, timing it to see where you may need to shorten it or add in some more memories.

Stand still, tall and speak clearly as you read your funeral speech, make eye contact with some members of the audience, especially as you speak about personal memories that they’re included in so that they can feel more of a connection. You can watch videos online for ideas of how long it can be, how to deliver certain parts or for inspiration if you’d like to make people laugh and smile when thinking about the person they will miss.

It’s helpful to prepare for the moment by having some water nearby and a pack of tissues at hand, in case you become emotional while speaking.

You can also choose to have a slideshow of images and videos accompanying your eulogy as a nice touch when talking about specific memories and life events, if the venue allows for this.

If you end up changing your mind about delivering the eulogy, don’t panic, someone else can do this on your behalf. Having the eulogy typed out will ensure someone else can read it on your behalf if you find yourself unable to deliver it. It can be overwhelming and very hard to compose your emotions and stand in front of everyone and read a speech.

If you need any more guidance, we’re here to help you every step of the way, read our blog to find out more about how your local funeral directors can support you. Take a look at our Guidance and FAQs, or contact our friendly team at Douch Family Funeral Directors by filling in the form here, or phoning us on 01202 367307.

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